Does invisible man shit invisible shit?
Angelina Jolie walks in the restaurant. My sushi drops. That is one of the moments in mans life that you just canít help staring. Shamelessly. I donít know how to be or what to do. I think millions of punch lines and ways to go to talk to her. This is probably my only chance. I donít have a hairbrush so I use knife and fork to do my hair best for her. I know, though, that I still need to open my mouth and Iím ice cold. And stay like it. I have nothing. Iím desperate to ask something. Just anything.
Why everyone always wants to ask questions from celebrities? Being well known doesnít make you wiser. Or give your opinion more weight. Still people come up with the weirdest enquiries constantly. Obviously asking a question is an easiest excuse to approach a person you would like to talk to. Sometimes it really is that we need to know something that is bothering us. Iím not a Angelina Jolie. Or have ever done anything special really. Still suddenly Iíve been asked a lot. It just happens one day that you walk over the crucial step where all the question marks are waiting on the other side. You know you are public property when people need to know in the bank queue what is your favourite sandwich. Human thirst for nosiness has no boundaries when there is a chance.
There are never interesting questions anymore in the media. The controlled institution of not really asking anything and not answering have made it quite blend because everyone wants to protect their spaces. A journalist asks the same question that has always been asked and an athlete gives the same answer that has always been answered. That is the only way the interview could happen again. Still media has given you a sort of a personality by the way you play and answer even the simplest questions. It is often topped with the normal stereotypes of being a footballer.
What people really want to know, though, is do you use salt or vinegar with your fish and chips? Even behind all the sporting achievements itís the persons people yearn to have more information about. What they think and how they live. Maybe because then there is something to relate to and feeling of a personal connection to the game. I have noticed that most questions are not directly about sports but something very everyday like.
If it is not an autograph it is always a question people approach me with these days. There seem to be no standard question, though. There definitely are no limits for right or wrong questions. Since I opened a web site many years ago Iíve been bombarded by average of two hundred questions a week. Needless to say I donít have time or answer to all of them. I thought Iíve seen a lot but I canít help being amazed by some of the questions people have come up with. Does invisible man shit invisible shit? If Rooney ate himself would he be twice as big or just disappear? Who do I think should win the Gulf war? Which one of the Dostoevskis characters would make a best striker?
More questions than answers come to my mind when I receive these kind of enquiries. Do I look like an information desk!
Postman Pete has also delivered some real pearls through mail to the club. Not long ago I was asked how easy was it for me to change from tennis to football? The letter was attached by a photo of Boris Becker that was wished to be signed. I also received a girlís panties included with a question ďWouldnít it be a real Cinderella story if I found the owner of them?Ē Not so fairy tail was a letter that gave me strict instruction to only pick one from the multiple choice of whether Iíd prefer a) signing a 2+1 year deal b) shooting free-kicks or c) live in Canada. Very well balanced question indeed, which I didnít know again how to reply.
What intrigues me the most is how these people have come up with the need to ask these questions from me? Itís not like something just slipped from their mouth. They have actually thought about it then decided to go through the effort of writing and posting the question. They must really have had sleepless nights over these dilemmas in their lives. At least these are not everyday letters I write to people.
However, I have to say most of the questions are sensible and nice, Iím just introducing the far end here. And who am I to judge anyway so I have tried my best to serve all equally. Plus they always put smile to my face. So if you still want to know does monkeys have eyebrows or how Teflon is put into your frying pan although Teflon shouldnít stick to anything Iíll think of something. However, I donít know why kamikaze pilots have helmets.
I know now I got to be prepared all the time. When suddenly asked a question on a street I donít like or want to blank people like I would do to some journalists. The standard answers ďI just play one game at the timeĒ or Ēwe are sticking together and will bounce backĒ are the most insulting answers but just in case in the back pocket to get rid of the stupidest questions. However that is not what people ask and want to know. For example I was just finishing my meal at a local restaurant when a man comes to me with his daughter asking politely if Iíd like to go out with his daughter because he believes we would have beautiful children. I was caught off guard and didnít know how to react when he gave her phone number. Sometimes questions you receive are just too direct. Iíve been asked to marry completely strangers, once even in the live broadcast.
These are mainly just fun and you take them light hearted. The ones you have to be careful of are the likes of ďWho do you support?Ē or ďHow does it feel like to play for PalaceĒ or ďWhatís AJ or Dowie really like?Ē People are passionate and every word you say about a team or another player will be reported to friends and most likely an Internet site as quickly as you finished the sentence. It will get analysed and twisted and finally there canít come much good out of it. Therefore, my only limitations are not answering anything concerning other people or clubs. Otherwise, I feel it is a part of my job to answer.
Angelina Jolie keeps eating. Iím still struggling to get any proper way to say her something. My plan is to go to her with my camera and ask if she minds a picture and whatever she answers Iíll give the camera to her and she can take a picture of me and my friend. Iíve been asked some weird things in my short career so Iím sure she wouldnít mind either. However, I chickened out. In the end I just played hard to get and left the sushi place. Apparently she is still recovering from that blow and settled for some poor actor geezer Brad Pitt or something as a consolation. I still regret, though, not asking her any simple stupid question. I have plenty of them.